


(Even better than) the real thing

by Esinde Nayrall (red_squared)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-10
Updated: 2010-03-10
Packaged: 2017-10-09 19:02:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_squared/pseuds/Esinde%20Nayrall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Vanilla' doesn't mean what Remus thinks it means.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Even better than) the real thing

**Author's Note:**

> For Remus' birthday. And for my fabulous co-conspirators: [](http://gryffindor-j.livejournal.com/profile)[**gryffindor_j**](http://gryffindor-j.livejournal.com/) (whose fault this all is), [](http://midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com/profile)[**midnitemaraud_r**](http://midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com/) (for THAT LIMERICK), and [](http://mindabbles.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://mindabbles.livejournal.com/)**mindabbles** (for beta-ing in record time). Originally posted [here](http://red-squared.livejournal.com/106098.html).

"I already have the wine, we don't need anything else," Remus says, as Sirius ignores him and wanders past the off-licence and into the supermarket proper.

"But we _never_ come here," Sirius replies absently, clearly far too captivated by the 'exotic' offerings of the local Tesco to pay any genuine attention to what Remus is saying. "I just want to look for a minute."

As always, one minute turns into five, which turns into twenty. And as _always_, they get stuck once they reach the refrigerated section as Sirius tries to puzzle out how Muggles manage to keep food from spoiling without any access to magic.

"They can't," Remus explains patiently, for what is the sixth or seventh time. "A freezer isn't a _Stasis Charm_," -- even though his mother pretends that things that have been frozen for more than a year are still fit for consumption once they've thawed -- "and things still go off. It just takes longer, this way."

"But they put meat and dairy into these cupboards for _days_, and -- "

"Yes, and it does go off eventually, but -- Oh, _Sirius_," he sighs to himself as Sirius takes off once more towards the frozen goods this time.

He tries to be understanding, he really does.

After all, he'd found Diagon Alley and Honeydukes and Zonkos captivating when he first encountered them. He understands all that _in theory_, but at least wizarding folk are understanding when Muggles or Muggle-borns encounter their world for the first time. _**Most** wizarding folk, at any rate,_ he reminds himself, thinking of the rest of Sirius' family. The problem is that Muggles aren't quite as understanding about wizards' fascination with _their_ world, and Remus is getting tired of having people stare at his boyfriend while his boyfriend stares into a commercial freezer as though it contains the secrets of the universe.

All he'd asked for was a quiet dinner with his boyfriend and his mother for his twenty-first. He doesn't really care what other mad plans Sirius and James have in mind for him for the rest of the week.

They could have gone to a restaurant, but no, Sirius had insisted on having her over. That meant making sure she wasn't uncomfortable or made to feel out of place, and _that_ meant preparing 'Muggle food'. Remus strongly suspects that Sirius' motivation was more to justify his purchase of a television, a casette player and an electric lamp than anything to do with his mother's comfort or lack of it, but there you are.

"Have you decided what you're getting yet?" he asks as he catches up to Sirius, increasingly aware of the odd looks that they're getting.

"Hmm?" Sirius says vaguely, before turning and looking at him, and then noticing the odd looks from the other shoppers. "Oh! Yes... Just trying to make up my mind, sorry," he apologises.

"There're only four flavours to choose from. We could always go to -- "

"We could, but they've everything right here," Sirius says, taking a moment to work out how to open the freezer door, and then lifting out a carton of --

"_Vanilla's _your favourite flavour?"

Remus turns to face the source of that voice, and finds that he has to force himself to smile nicely when he sees who it is. He's not sure that Spencer really counts as one of Sirius' ex-boyfriends, since the two of them had lasted all of a week, and Sirius has since confessed he'd only gone along with it to drive Remus wild, which had worked. But Spencer is also the current boyfriend of one of _Remus' _ex-boyfriends. _Not just Sirius' ex-boyfriend, but also my ex-boyfriend's current boyfriend -- the best kind. _

"I shouldn't be surprised, should I?" Spencer asks, with an infuriating smile.

For a moment, he thinks that Sirius hasn't seen or heard Spencer. That is until Sirius emerges from the freezer without looking around, somehow manages to stumble _straight into _Spencer with such force that the latter falls onto his arse, and then drops the heavy, frozen block of icecream right onto Spencer's groin.

"Oh dear," Sirius says, not sounding sorry at all as Spencer yelps. "I suppose we'd better pick another one," he adds, reaching into the freezer again. Spencer manages to get out of the way before Sirius can accidentally drop anything else on him, although from the look in Sirius' eye, there might not be anything 'accidental' about it this time. "It was very nice to see you, just now," Sirius says, clearly meaning that it was very nice seeing Spencer flat on his backside with a carton of ice cream mashing his bits into the floor. And then he turns on his heel in clear dismissal, and walks away.

"I suppose the real surprise is that you've -- " Spencer notices the increasingly curious looks they're getting from other shoppers, and lowers his voice as he says, " -- managed to last this long together. Vanilla's not exactly _your_ favourite, is it, Lupin?"

"It really was lovely to see you just now," he says, trying to copy Sirius' tone. "Take care, won't you? I should put some ice on that if I were you," he says, indicating Spencer's groin with a nod, before following Sirius to the register.

~*~

"How is it you can tell you're being insulted when you don't actually understand the insult?"

Inevitably, Sirius had wanted to know what Spencer had meant with 'that crack about vanilla'. It is two days after the incident in the shop, they haven't really discussed it since then and Remus hasn't been masochistic enough to be the first to raise the subject.

"Just answer the question, Remus," Sirius says impatiently, putting the last of the dishes away and closing the cupboard with a little more force than necessary. "Is this like that handkerchief thing? What does it mean if you like vanilla?"

"It means you're unadventurous," Remus says, realising that Sirius isn't going to answer any of _his _questions until his own curiosity is satisfied.

"I'm not unadventurous!"

"And I'm not the one who said you were! _He _is," he says, knowing better than to actually say Spencer's name out loud, and concentrating on getting the cutlery really, _really _dry so that he doesn't have to look at Sirius.

"He only -- Because I never -- "

"Verbs, please Sirius."

"Just because I didn't want to do anything _adventurous _with him doesn't mean -- "

"I know it doesn't," he says, setting the clean (and very dry) silverware aside before moving to stand next to Sirius.

"And I am, with _you_," Sirius says quietly, leaning into him.

"I know you are," he says with a small smile, as Sirius appears to be calming down.

He winds an arm around Sirius' waist and they stand like that in companiable silence for a moment before Sirius asks, "Why vanilla, though?"

"Mmm?"

"Why is vanilla unadventurous? Why not any of the other flavours?"

"Vanilla isn't really a flavour, is it?" Remus points out. "It's what's left when you don't add anything else."

"Only if you're referring to that cheap rubbish that we bought -- "

"That _who _bought?"

"-- that _you _bought in Tescos the other day," Sirius says, unabashed.

"Why are you taking this to heart? What do you care what he thinks about you anyway?"

"I'm not, and I _don't_," Sirius says with such genuine anger that it's clear he's lying.

He _is_, but Remus knows better than to say it out loud. He's also fairly certain that Sirius _doesn't _actually care what Spencer thinks. What bothers Remus more is the suspicion that Sirius thinks that _Remus _thinks that he is vanilla, too.

And he knows not to say _that _out loud, either.

~*~

"It doesn't count as a surprise party. I knew you and Prongs were plotting something," he says, as he starts clearing away all of the animated (and obscene) wrapping paper, shrieking (and obscene) glitter and writhing (and obscene) ribbons.

"You were surprised, weren't you?"

"Only because I thought I was having dinner with you and mum tonight. I suppose she's coming over tomorrow, now?"

"Tomorrow evening, which is why you have to help clean now. And it _does_ count as a surprise party because you didn't suspect a thing."

"I didn't suspect a thing _tonight_."

"Still counts."

"Cheater," Remus mutters.

"Sore loser."

"_And _you're making me clean up, too. Some birthday this is."

"It's not your birthday until tomorrow!"

"Can I have my real present anyway?"

"What, now?"

"Mmm," Remus says happily. Having had enough of tidying, he settles onto their sofa. Sirius hesitates. "Or... You don't have to," he says quickly, realising that Sirius may have had more elaborate plans for presenting it to him than Remus simply insisting on it.

"Well, I suppose you can have part of it..." Sirius says, after a moment. Heading back into their kitchen, he returns with a clear glass phial, with something rattling inside it. As Sirius gets closer, Remus can see that what's inside looks like dried up beans.

"Magic beans?" he asks, visited by a mental image of flinging the crispy, dark brown, dried up, bean-like things out of the window in disgust and then climbing the beanstalk the next day for his real present.

"You could say that. For its weight, it's one of the most expensive spices in the world so it's no surprise that most people don't know what it really smells or tastes like," Sirius says, uncapping the phial.

"What is -- " he starts to ask, but he knows the answer even before the scent hits his nose.

"It's vanilla. _Proper _vanilla. The real thing."

"Is it expensive because it's so rare?" Remus asks. Perhaps it is, at that. Whatever it is they're putting in ice cream, or flavoured milk, or custard, or pies... it certainly isn't _this_, he thinks to himself, inhaling deeply once more.

"It's expensive because it's a lot of work. And you don't get a lot for your trouble, so -- "

"Oh, I don't know about that," he says, taking the phial from Sirius and looking at the apothecary's label. "Says here, 'Classic, understated, and refined'..." Put like that, and with that _scent _filling in his brain, it occurs to him that _proper _vanilla is just as much a flavour as chocolate or mint or caramel. "That sounds like someone I know," he says, hoping he's got this right. "Even if he _is _a lot of work," he adds, as Sirius starts to smile.

"Yes, all right. You'll get your _real _present in a moment," Sirius says with feigned exasperation.

"I should think so, but there's plenty of time for that later," he returns mildly, recapping the phial and setting it carefully on the floor underneath the sofa.

"Oh, yes?"

"Oh yes," he says, reaching for Sirius and pulling him onto the sofa as well. No doubt Sirius _does _have more elaborate plans, but he's content to stay on the sofa for now with his boyfriend in his lap.

He knows the real thing when he sees it, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> All comments and kudos are appreciated and treasured -- even (especially?) on a fic as old as this one!


End file.
